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| I've run a number of marathons. I've done a lot of hiking with a heavy backpack, and I've worked for forty hours straight on-call; but going through labor with my wife was more strenuous and exhausting than any of these experiences. We could never have done it without her. -A Father |
One of the questions that I am always asked when talking to a couple interested in having a doula
is how my role is different from the mother's partner. What I tell them is my job is not only to
support the mother, but the father as well.
The one person the laboring woman wants most in the room is her partner. It is her partner's face
she wants to see the most, and it is her partner's presence that matters most to her. There is no
way I can or would want to replace the dad. My job is to free the husband of stress and anxiety so
he can be emotionally present for the birth. It is too hard for fathers to maintain objectivity when
there is so much excitement and anticipation mixed with the anxiety about the unknown. And no
matter how much experience he may have had with childbirth, the partner cannot remain
emotionally distanced enough to meet both his needs and those of the laboring woman. With a
doula present the father is never left as the sole and isolated responsible person caring for the
mother.
Ways I integrate the father into the birth experience are by giving him suggestions on how to touch
the laboring mother and what to say to her that will be encouraging. I can also get things like ice
chips and blankets while the father stays in the room. And I will stay with the mother while the dad
takes a break to have a much needed meal or rest. This way the mother is never left to labor
alone. She knows that there will always be someone with her.
Labor not only signifies the birth of the baby, but the birth of the mother and father as well. It is
important that both parents are nurtured at this sensitive time so they can more easily transition
into their new roles.
Source: Marshall H. Klaus, MD., John H. Kennell, MD., and Phyllis H. Klaus, C.S.W., M.F.T., The Doula Book 2nd Ed., 2002
is how my role is different from the mother's partner. What I tell them is my job is not only to
support the mother, but the father as well.
The one person the laboring woman wants most in the room is her partner. It is her partner's face
she wants to see the most, and it is her partner's presence that matters most to her. There is no
way I can or would want to replace the dad. My job is to free the husband of stress and anxiety so
he can be emotionally present for the birth. It is too hard for fathers to maintain objectivity when
there is so much excitement and anticipation mixed with the anxiety about the unknown. And no
matter how much experience he may have had with childbirth, the partner cannot remain
emotionally distanced enough to meet both his needs and those of the laboring woman. With a
doula present the father is never left as the sole and isolated responsible person caring for the
mother.
Ways I integrate the father into the birth experience are by giving him suggestions on how to touch
the laboring mother and what to say to her that will be encouraging. I can also get things like ice
chips and blankets while the father stays in the room. And I will stay with the mother while the dad
takes a break to have a much needed meal or rest. This way the mother is never left to labor
alone. She knows that there will always be someone with her.
Labor not only signifies the birth of the baby, but the birth of the mother and father as well. It is
important that both parents are nurtured at this sensitive time so they can more easily transition
into their new roles.
Source: Marshall H. Klaus, MD., John H. Kennell, MD., and Phyllis H. Klaus, C.S.W., M.F.T., The Doula Book 2nd Ed., 2002
| He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers. Malachi 4:6 |
