Dads & Doulas
Dads and Doulas
One of the questions I am frequently asked when talking to a couple interested in having a doula is do I
replace the dad. What I tell them is that my job is to support both, the mother and the father. And a relaxed dad is better able to
support his wife while she is giving birth.
The one person a woman in labor wants most in the room is her partner.
It is his face she wants to see the most, and it is his presence that matters most to her. There is no way I can or would
want to replace the dad. My job is to free the husband of stress and anxiety so he can be emotionally present for the birth. It can
be hard for fathers to maintain objectivity when there is so much excitement and anticipation mixed with the anxiety about the unknown.
And no matter how much experience a dad may have had with childbirth, it is difficult to remain emotionally
distanced enough to meet both his needs and those of the laboring woman. With a doula present the father is never left as the sole
and isolated responsible person caring for the mother.
Ways I integrate the father into the birth experience are by giving him
suggestions on massage and positioning for the laboring mother. I can also get things like ice chips and blankets while the father
stays in the room. And I will stay with the mother while the dad takes a break to have a much needed meal or rest. This way the mother
is never left to labor alone. They both know there will always be someone with her.
And much of the anxiety a dad feels
can be alleviated knowing that a knowledgable person is with them through the entire labor, always available to answer questions.
For the most part doctors only show up near the end of the birth and nurses are in and out of the room, but your doula's only focus
is your family.
Labor not only signifies the birth of the baby, but the birth of the mother and father as well. It is important
that both parents are nurtured at this sensitive time so they can more easily transition into their new roles.
Source: Marshall H.
Klaus, MD., John H. Kennell, MD., and Phyllis H. Klaus, C.S.W., M.F.T., The Doula Book 2nd Ed., 2002
He will turn the hearts
of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of
the children to the fathers.
Malachi 4:6
I've run a number of marathons. I've done a lot of hiking with a heavy backpack, and I've worked for forty hours straight on-call;
but going through labor with my wife was more strenuous and exhausting than any of these experiences. We could never have done it
without her (our doula).
-A Father
Photograph by Robin Winkles Photography